Shacking Up--Living in Sin or Smart Planning?

I've been working on this post for awhile now as I am in the process of apartment hunting with my boyfriend, and it seems that I have quite a few friends who are getting ready to move in with their significant others or recently have done so. Today I posted on my Facebook status-[Ace of Rambles] wants YOUR opinion--Is it considered 'shacking-up' if you're engaged? And does 'shacking-up' even matter these days? The responses came in...and quickly. There were a variety of responses, but mainly fell into these categories-

1. Shacking up is sin.
2. Living together before being getting married is bad idea.
3. Living together before getting married is a good idea, but shouldn't be done for a long period of time.

I can definitely see all three sides (and there are probably more) to the argument. I spent the better part of my childhood witness to my mother living with a man that she wasnt married to, and for the most part to this day I still refer to him as my step-father though his relationship with my mother has dissolved. I personally don't think them choosing to live together before getting married was what caused their relationship to end, but I'd have to ask my mother and him to be totally sure. I have also seen living together prior to being married bring two people closer together, as well as the couple maturing together and individually. I have a friend who was dating someone for 3 years before they lived together. They lived together for a year and she knew that she was not ready yet to make that commitment. They took another year apart and now they're back together and they feel things couldn't be better.

A different friend of mine expressed that her reasoning for not wanting to live with someone prior to marriage is because she likes her own space. I feel that someone who claims to enjoy their personal space so much would be more likely to take a trial run at living together before getting married. What happens when you think you are ready to be married, you get married, and the 2 months after living together you realize that marriage is so NOT in your life plan, and that you value your personal space much more than you realized?

I echo the sentiments of one of the responses on my status--"I believe in trial runs...I don't agree with livin together for years and years before marriage.if that's the case just call it common law and never actually go to the courthouse.but I do believe its necessary for ppl to know how they'll truly interact with each other once they're personal space is taken away. Spendin the night is not gon give u the full effect. Spendin a couple months with each other def will....I use my friend as an ex. She and her bf were together for 2 years and they were thinkin bout marriage...lived together for 6 months and decided they just weren't ready for that step.sometimes u gotta know where he keeps the ketchup...in the cabinet or in the fridge.lol" Many people think that spending the night with your significant other will give you idea of how it will be to live together, but I disagree because when you spend the night you ALWAYS have the option of going home when you want your own space.
I obviously fall into the 3rd category. I believe that living with my boyfriend will be good for us. It is something we've discussed extensively and share they same philosophy. We both agree that moving in together is the next step in our relationship, but more importantly we both know it isn't something we will be doing for an extensive period of time without walking down the aisle. Before we ever started dating he made it VERY clear that the next woman he got into a relationship with would the last.

Our decision to live together was just that our decision. I'm not concerned with whether or not people agree because we are doing what we think is good for US.

What are your thoughts?

-Ace of Rambles

Guest Appearance

Hey! I wanted to take the chance and post an article from my friend The Lady. She is a new columnist for Polished Cleveland and this is her first article. I think everything she says in the article is so on point and I look forward to see what she puts out next. Make sure y'all support her! So here it goes....

The Lady Says: He Say, She Say
Written by The Lady

Ladies, how often, when communicating with a man, do you find yourselves thinking, “I could have sworn he meant, >>>insert your interpretation here<<<” only to find out you were so off base, Ray Charles could have struck you out? Well, I am going to help you decipher this “secret language” to better understand and hopefully, spare you hurt feelings.

Space, the final frontier

HE said: “I just need some space.”

SHE heard: “I’m really stressed about, xyz, and will be okay in a few days.”

HE means: “We’ve been spending too much time together and I want to explore my options, but I don’t want to lose you either.”

The Lady says: The fact of the matter is you now need to accept this for what it is worth and continue to live and enjoy your life. If he wants space, give it to him but make sure you understand what he truly means when making the statement. The downside is he will fall off the face of the earth which means he was not good for you anyway. The upside is he will have a greater appreciation for you and hopefully, your relationship can flourish.

Too busy *side-eye*

HE said: “I have a crazy schedule and no time for a serious relationship.”

SHE heard: “I want to spend time with you but am so busy with work, volunteering, etc.”

HE means: “I’m not really into you and you’re not worth my time BUT I don’t mind a few late night visits.”

The Lady says: You make time for the things we want. PERIOD. Be especially wary of the man who is too busy for you yet has time to hang out with the fellas, plan trips (w/o you) and only calls when he wants “something.”

Just a Friend

HE said: “She’s just an old friend.”

SHE heard: “She’s a girl I used to fool around with.”

HE means: “She’s a girl I used to fool around with.”

The Lady says: If you are in a dating situation and your man has a female “friend” whom you have only heard him speak of, chances are, there was something going on between them in the past (or currently). This is not to suggest, men cannot be platonic friends with women but more often than not, you’ll meet his real female friends. Tread lightly on this issue as you don’t want to appear jealous and psycho.

I’ll call you…

HE said: “I had fun tonight; I’ll give you a call.”

SHE heard: “I can’t wait to see you again.”

HE means: If satisfied with the date, “I am going to call for a second date”; if undecided, “If I don’t have anything else to do, I’ll call.”

The Lady says: Take it for what it is worth. If you had a great time, then say so but do not drive yourself crazy waiting for his call and fantasizing about the next time you will see him. Get a grip. If you really want to talk to him but he has not called, then you call him. At least you will not have to wonder if he is interested and you can stop worrying.

It’s complicated

HE said: “I don’t have a girlfriend but I am seeing someone *sigh* it’s complicated.”

SHE heard: “I don’t have a girlfriend and am about to break it off with the one I’m seeing for you.”

HE means: “I have a girlfriend but am hoping you don’t care and let me have my cake and eat it too.

The Lady says: RUN! Run, far and fast! There is no mistaking; he is looking for some extra-credit. If he was in such a complicated situation, why stay? Ask yourself, do you really want to be bothered with a man who is indecisive and plays games? Hmph, there you have it.

Please understand, in each situation, there is always room for interpretation. However, you must learn to become effective communicators. If you are unsure, just ask instead of over-thinking the situation. It really is that simple.

Peace,

The Lady

Learning How To Study

You would think that after years of school I'd know how to study by now, but the truth is that I really don't. I have been that person that can take notes on a lecture, look over them, and do well on an exam. Or I read a chapter and then take the test. I'm afraid that these methods aren't going to cut it this time around.

As a DC Teaching Fellow I have to pass the Praxis I and II (Elementary Education Content Knowledge) exams by June 1st. I'm taking both exams in April and I'm a little anxious about it. Right now I have a Praxis II study guide and I plan to purchase the Praxis I guide later this week. I've been taking a lot of practice exams so that I can narrow down my weak points and then focus my studying on them. I've also cut down on surfing the internet during idle time while I'm on the train or at work. I guess it really scares me that these exams really determine the path of my future. Welp, I just wanted to give an update.

-Ace of Rambles

Truly Saddened

This really makes me sad.


I will post more later. R.I.P. Sean Bell.

-Ace of Rambles

The Wait Is OVER!!

For those of you that read my earlier post about my interview with DC Teaching Fellows I am pleased to announce I have been offered a position! I am soooo very excited to embark on this new journey. I have been assigned to teach Early Childhood Education, which is what I wanted and is the most competitive cohort. The next step is for me to study, study, study for the Praxis I and II. I'm not too worried about the exams, but I will definitely have to go over the math (algebra...ugh) section because that is my weakest area.

I look forward to writing more posts about this experience. Thank you to all those who prayed for me, wished me luck, and will be standing by me as I embark on a new path in life. It feels so good to have a career :-)

-Ace of Rambles

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!

I've been so busy lately that it has taken me nearly 2 days just to write this post. Between my frat, my family, my friends, and my boyfrined life has really been on fast forward. I have birthday celebrations, Valentine's Day, conferences, tattoo appointments (whoo hoo), meetings, 2 jobs, apartment hunting, and so much more going on! But to be honest, I kinda like it. I don't really feel exhausted, which is good. However, I am afraid that being a busy bee is going to catch up with me and I'm going to CRASH! I want to make sure that everything I am doing is being done efficiently and with care. I'm not one that struggles with time management, but I do sometimes miss the chance to enjoy all that is happening around me. That's what I want to be different about the current cycle of filled day planners and such. I want to be able to remember these times and not look back at early 2010 as just a blur.