There's No Such Thing As A Bad Child--An Educator's Point of View

Teacher: *sigh* he sooooooooooo bad!

Me: He seems to be making some bad choices, but I don't believe there is a such thing as a "bad" child.

*silence*

Teacher: Yeah okay. Tell me if you feel like that after your first month of teaching.

This is a conversation I've had more than once since starting my first year of full time teaching. It's often followed by a pat on the back and some comment about how sweet first year teachers are. Yes, this is my first year of teaching but it isnt my first year in education. I have tutuored DC youth at every grade level, worked as a manager for 14-19 year olds for 2 summers, and ran the afterschool program at an all boys pre-school to 3rd grade school. Through all of that my belief has stayed the same--there is no such thing as a bad child.

Children need structure and consistency. When either is lacking or non-exsistant it is impossible for them to learn how to make good decisions. I teach 20 bubbly, inquistive, affectionate, loving, inspring 4 year olds every day. Do they sometimes challenge me? Yes. Is it my responsibilty to provide for them a structured, consistent, and safe environment for them to learn? Absolutely. If I don't provide this will their be mayhem. Undoubtedly.

William Glasser's Choice Theory says that humans have five basic needs though the degree varies to how much we need each area. The five needs are:

1. to survive
   
2. to belong
   
3. to have power
   
4. to have freedom
   
5. to have fun
   

These same needs are necessary in my classroom to keep everyone on task. Any off task behavior can be related to one of these needs not being met. For example, I have a particular student with a very strict father and directs everything in my student's life. This student lacks the need to have power and to have freedom. For a 4 year old this is possible. My kids appreciate being able to choose whether or not they will have an apple or a pear for snack. They also love being able to pick which center they get to play in for the morning. With this particular student I have seen him so happy to be able to pick which type of juice to have with snack and I have seen him so defeated when his dad forced him to color his self-portrait on brown construction paper and not white paper with a brown crayon.

Glasser goes on to say, Students are capable of understanding what is generally regarded as acceptable school behavior and can choose to behave in acceptable ways. However, in order to make good choices, students must see the results of these choices as desirable. If bad behavior gets them what they want then they will make bad choices. This is where the teacher can be influential in helping students become aware that they choose their own actions. The teacher forces them to acknowledge their behavior and to make value judgments about it. The teacher refuses to accept excuses for bad behavior. Instead the teacher always directs the student's attention to alternative, more acceptable, behaviour. The essence of discipline then, lies in helping students make good choices.

I am super happy that I dont generally have any behavior issues in my classroom, but it is definitely a problem in my school. It's such an issue that we have had several staff meetings on school-wide discipline plan, behavior logs, and conduct cards. The teachers that seems to be struggling are ones that make excuses or brush students' choices off with things like, "Well, so and so comes from a tough family so what do you expect." The following quote is truly a summary of how I feel. Keep on telling me what I am, and that's what I'll become. -Sue Atkins Labeling a child, whether it be negative or positive, can be damaging.

-Ace of Rambles

Stopping To Take A Breath

Happy Labor Day!!! Today seems like the first day I have had even just a moment to write anything since my last posts. So, what's been going on?

School has started. Tomorrow will be the start of the 3rd week. I have 20 curious, awesome, loving, playful Pre-Kindergarten students. Everyday they make me happy to wake up and influence their first learning moments. There have been moments in the day when I wanted to pull my hair out, but then comes over to me and says, "I like you." and I realize it is so worth it. Coming from a family of educators I have always had a love and admiration for teachers, but now being in their shoes my respect has grown enormously. I am fortunate enough to work with a pretty great group of educators. My mentor is AMAZING! She's been teaching for 10 years and was the Pre-K teacher last year, but decided to loop with her students to teach Kindergarten. She's a 5'2 ball of fire that is hilarious. I am truly looking forward to learning a lot from her....and my kids.

The boyfriend and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary on the 28th. It was nice. I was feeling a little down about it at first because last year we went to San Juan, Puerto Rico to celebrate. This year we weren't able to do anything as lavish, but we enjoyed a great dinner and went to see Takers (mmmmmm Idris Elba). It was really nice just to hang out and relax for a little while. We haven't been able to do much of that this summer.
I am sooooooooooooo looking forward to this influx in income! Not just because I will be making seriously twice as much I was making this time last year, but because now I am in position to really start to pay off my school loans, medical bills, and other debt I have acquired. Being debt free is VERY important to me. I want to be able to do what I want and desire with my hard earned paychecks without this cloud of bill collectors hovering over me. Beside this little beauty is calling my name...
Until next time,
-Ace of Rambles

Why Early Childhood Education?

Aren't you afraid of the whining? snotty noses? accidents? the clingy-ness? Wow, you must have A LOT of patience!

These are some of the things I hear when I talk to people about my passion for Early Childhood Education (ECE). No, I'm not afraid of any of these things. I kinda have a lot of patience, but I don't think it's a deal breaker for being an ECE teacher.

I LOVE ECE because I think it is such a gift to be able to witness a child's first learning experience. To see a child come in to class on the first day and barely know their alphabet, but by Christmas have the ability to write their name and 3 letter words gives me indescribable joy. Research shows the it's in ECE classrooms that we first begin to see the achievement gap begin to widen, but I believe that giving a child a strong foundation sets them up for academic success.

I LOVE ECE because I can be as silly and as goofy as I want to be and it's okay. I get to sing, dance, color, read books, and so much more! It doesn't matter that I can't draw because my students tell me they love the pictures I draw. I could be having a horrible day, but a hug or a thank you from a Kindergartner has a way of completely changing my whole mood.
I am so excited that I have recently been hired as a Pre-K teacher in an AWESOME school! I know there will be tears, frustration, anger, and doubt during my first year of teaching. But I also know there will be triumphs, achievements, laughter, and smiles!

I look forward to writing about everything that happens in my first year.

-Ace of Rambles

Great Support....DCTF Update

Hey Everyone!

So training for DCTF has been going great. I am very lucky to have Fellow Advisor and Resource Specialist with a lot of experience, great attitudes, and willingness to help new teachers. I love most of the people in my cohort and my Early Childhood Education group is getting closer and closer. I'm glad that we are paired with Fellows that will be teaching Elementary Education, as well as English Language Learners. I've been able to really soak up a lot of great tips and ideas to implement in my class in the Fall.

We start Practice Teaching tomorrow, and I really hope my Cooperating Teaching is just as awesome as the other people I've been able to meet. Well, I'm off to do some reading to prepare for tomorrow.

-Ace of Rambles

Inspired

Today was the Opening Ceremony for DCTF, and it was truly inspirational. There was a presentation on what the achievement gap looks like in DC, and while many of my colleagues seemed to be discouraged by the information I saw this as even more confirmation that I am needed and that I can truly make a difference. The chancellor for DCPS spoke about her experiences as a first year teacher, as well as her hope for the school district. In DC people either love Chancellor Rhee or they hate her...I am one of the people that love her, so I was excited to see her. Let me take a moment to note that though I love her and what she is doing for the school system I dont always love the decisions she has had to make, but I cant say that I could a better job than she is doing, so I trust her process.

In addition to the Opening Ceremony, we were given the opportunity to participate in a mini hiring fair. I was able to interview with one school that is looking for Early Childhood Educators. This interview went great. I have had 2 good interviews, which makes me feel good about getting a placement soon.

The first 2 days of DCTF have left me so excited to have made the decision to join. I know these next 6 weeks will be rigorous and stressful, but also necessary to prepare me for what I will face in the fall. I'm definitely beginning to realize that my experience in the classroom will be truly advantageous when it comes to teaching summer school. I fortunately am not sharing the same anxiousness about this whole process that many of the people in my cohort are experiencing. I am also excited to have an established friendship and brotherhood with another Fellow being as though my Prophyte is also in my Cohort.

All in all this has been a great start!

-Ace of Rambles

As This Door Closes....

...I think about how much has happen in these last 9 months. I began working at my school the Tuesday after Labor Day and this coming Wednesday will be my last day. I have learned so much about the education system, as well as my goals in life. It was working in my current position that made me sure I wanted to spend at least 5 years in the classroom before becoming a School Counselor/Dean of Students. I know now how much I want to impact youth in urban high needs schools. I know now more than ever before that I want to save the world, and that it starts with helping to close the achievement gap. I love so many of the people I have met in these last 9 months and most definitely appreciate the relationships that have been built. Though I am preparing to move on to a new chapter of my life (that has me super nervous, excited, and anxious) I know that I have a great support system of colleagues and friends at my school.

-Ace of Rambles

SURPRISE!

So, I was in Pittsburgh this past weekend to celebrate my younger sister's graduation and came home to a lovely surprise. The house was SPARKLING clean, dinner was made, and a brand new Dell Inspiron Mini laptop was waiting for me! I was already coming off a great trip home, but then the laptop was the icing on the cake. I mentioned a while ago that I wanted to get a mini laptop before training started for DCTF. However, I havent been able to get it because I have been saving money due to the fact that I will be working all summer without an income. It really touched me that my beau (I love that word) would hear/see my want/need and make it happen. I most definitely appreciate the sacrifice.

Being loved is awesome!

-Ace of Rambles

Loving What I Have

As I sit here typing this my guy is sleeping on the couch, and I cant help but look over at him and smile. My two mentors/friends at work always make fun of me for blushing when I talk about him, and even some of my closest friends compliment on my "glow". It's been almost 2 years. We've had our ups and our downs. Our happy moments and our teary nights. But we've done it together. We work on out relationship (and ourselves) constantly, which helps each day get better and better. It's funny to think that when I first met him I couldnt stand him and would have been happy to never see him again...and now I cant see my life without him and cant sleep unless he is right next to me.

-Ace of Rambles

Oh, Thursday Nights

I absolutely LOVE Grey's Anatomy. I have been watching since the very beginning. There are very few Thursday nights that don't consist of me watching Grey's....and even then I make sure I catch up the next day. Grey's is an amazing combination of medical intrigue and steamy drama.

Many people on my Facebook friends' list have been bizzing about last night's season finale. Some are upset about all the twists, turns, and heartbreaks. But then there are fans, like me, just aching for more and wishing it was September already.

I stumbled upon Shonda Rhimes' blog post about the season finale, and it honestly made me fall in love with the writers, characters, the show, and her even more!!! Check it out here.

I'm off to watch the season finale again over on ABC.

-Ace of Rambles

Back in Action!

Hello all! I am sooooo happy to have my Internet back on and a little time to write. So what have I been up to???...

Moving and Living Together
The move went good. I was glad that we hired movers, especially since I was still on crutches and in a soft cast. The living together has been pretty good too. Not without bumps, but also not without lessons and growth. He went out a town a couple weekends, and it was definitely weird at night and sleeping alone. I like the way things are going. We have a great partnership. And he's not a gross boy, so I dont feel like a mom picking up after him. I cook now more than I have EVER had to cook in my life. Everyday basically. It's actually not too bad. The main challenge has been switching it up...variety. He doesn't eat seafood and I dont eat beef or pork, so we've had a lot of chicken and turkey meals. I'm trying to find things that are quick but different. Getting home at 7:30 and making a meal that takes longer than 45 minutes isnt an option. We're planning to have a cookout soon and I'm excited to have our friends over to our humble abode. :-)

Work
So, I basically got a promotion at work...and a raise! I've been put in charge of recruiting students, as well as planning our end of the year celebration. Things have been going good with that, and it gives me a chance to save more money for the summer since I wont be working while I'm in training.

DCTF
I'm sooooooooo excited to start training for DC Teaching Fellows. I have picked up my Guidebook (basically our textbook) and been fingerprinted. I started my assignments, which are due June 1st and made contact with a couple of principals at schools I'm interested in. I really hope I can get hired as a Kindergarten teacher. Ace of Rambles loves the kids! lol All in all the process is going very well. I'm glad that I'm already in the DMV because I have a co-worker who was a Fellow and she hated it. She admits that a lot of her disdain for the program comes from the fact that she moved here like 2 days before training started. She feels like she was always 10 steps behind everyone else.

The Frat
So much to my surprise I was elected to serve the Fraternity. I went to the conference back at the end of March with the intentions of supporting my home chapter and mingleing with Alumni in the area. I came home the new Section Chair, which means I now lead 7 chapters in the DC and Estern MD area. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOo excited (but more humbled) about this position. The work that will be done will be EPIC! Look out for updates.

Other
I really cant say that there is much going on in any other area of my life. My little sister is set to graduate from HS next month *tear* and she will be attending college in DC, which means I'll get to see her more. I have a SUPER busy summer ahead, so be prepared for LOTS of post!

SO HAPPY TO BE BACK!

-Ace of Rambles

I miss writing! As soon as I get my internet situation taken care of I will be back. I have sooooooo much to say!!

*SMOOCHES*

-Ace of Rambles

Sunday is the BIG day....and I'm scared....

So, as I lay on the couch with a broken ankle (another post for another day) I think about how close I am to everything in my life changing. On Sunday the bf and I will move in together. EEK!

For whatever reason I am feeling VERY nervous and anxious. More on this later.

-Ace of Rambles

Top Chef in D.C.= SUPER EXCITED!!!!!

I LOVE cooking shows and Top Chef is one of my favorites, so when I read on DCist that rumors of it being filmed here have been confirmed I almost fainted with excitement!! Whoooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooo!!!

I so plan on making any challenges that they make open to the public.


-Ace of Ramables

Successful Young Black Men

I have read 2 stories this week that have truly made me proud. Working at an all boys school I see first-hand what tools are needed to ensure the success of young Black men in America. Shout out to those parents, family, teachers, and friends that make it happen. Happy reading!

Every Urban Prep senior is college-bound

100 percent of first senior class at all male, all African-American Englewood academy is accepted to universities

By Duaa Eldeib, Tribune reporter

8:43 PM CST, March 5, 2010

Four years ago, Bryant Alexander watched his mother weep.

She stared down at a muddle of D's and F's on his eighth-grade report card and threatened to kick him out. He had barely passed elementary school, and high school wasn't even on his radar.

"Something just clicked," Alexander, now 18, said. "I knew I had to do something."

On Friday, Alexander proudly swapped his high school's red uniform tie for a striped red and gold one — the ritual at Englewood's Urban Prep Academy for Young Men that signifies a student has been accepted into college.

As the Roseland resident and 12 others tied their knots, Chicago's only public all-male, all-African-American high school fulfilled its mission: 100 percent of its first senior class had been accepted to four-year colleges.

Mayor Richard Daley and city schools chief Ron Huberman surprised students at the all-school assembly Friday morning with congratulations, and school leaders announced that as a reward, prom would be free.

The achievement might not merit a visit from top brass if it happened at one of the city's elite, selective enrollment high schools. But Urban Prep, a charter school that enrolls all comers in one of Chicago's most beleaguered neighborhoods, faced much more difficult odds.

Only 4 percent of this year's senior class read at grade level as freshmen, said Tim King, the school's founder and CEO.

"There were those who told me that you can't defy the data," King said. "Black boys are killed. Black boys drop out of high school. Black boys go to jail. Black boys don't go to college. Black boys don't graduate from college.

"They were wrong," he said.

Every day, before attending advanced placement biology classes and lectures on changing the world, students must first pass through the neighborhood, then metal detectors.

"Poverty, gangs, drugs, crime, low graduation rates, teen pregnancy — you name it, Englewood has it," said Kenneth Hutchinson, the school's director of college counseling, who was born and raised in Englewood.

He met the students the summer before they began their freshman year during a field trip to Northwestern University, the first time many of them had ever stepped foot on a college campus. At the time, Hutchinson was Northwestern's assistant director of undergraduate admissions. Inspired by what he'd seen, he started working for Urban Prep two months later.

"I'm them," he said Friday as he fought back tears. "Being accepted to college is the first step to changing their lives and their communities."

Hutchinson plays a major role in the school, where college is omnipresent. Students are assigned college counselors from day one. To prepare students for the next level, the school offers a longer than typical day — about 170,000 minutes longer, over four years, than other city schools — and more than double the usual number of English credits, King said

Even the school's voice-mail system has a student declaring "I am college-bound" before asking callers to dial an extension.

The rigorous academic environment and strict uniform policy of black blazers, red ties and khakis isn't for everyone. The first senior class began with 150 students. Of those who left, many moved out of the area and some moved into neighborhoods that were too dangerous to cross to get to the school, King said. Fewer than 10 were expelled or dropped out, he said.

At last count, the 107 seniors gained acceptance to a total of 72 different colleges, including Northwestern University, Morehouse College, Howard University, Rutgers University and University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana. Alexander was accepted to DePaul University.

While college acceptance is an enormous hurdle to jump, school leaders said they know their job isn't done; they want to make sure the students actually attend.

To that aim, King said, staff made sure that every student has completed the dreaded Free Application for Federal Student Aid, lest the red tape deter them.

Later in the year, the school plans to hold a college signing day where every student is to sign a promise to go to college, he said. Staff will stay in touch through the summer and hopefully in the first years of school.

"We don't want to send them off and say, ‘Call us when you're ready to make a donation to your alma mater,' " King said. "If we fulfill our mission, that means they not only are accepted to college, but graduate from it."

For now, students are enjoying the glow of reaching their immediate goal.

Normally, it takes 18-year-old Jerry Hinds two buses and 45 minutes to get home from school. On the day the University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana was to post his admission decision online at 5 p.m., he asked a friend to drive him to his home in the Auburn Gresham neighborhood.

He went into his bedroom, told his well-wishing mother this was something he had to do alone, closed the door and logged in.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" he remembers screaming. His mother burst in and began crying.

That night he made more than 30 phone calls, at times shouting "I got in" on his cell phone and home phone at the same time.

"We're breaking barriers," he said. "And that feels great."

_______________________________________________________

Morehouse Whiz Kid is Causing a Stir: 13-Year-Old Dominates College

By Boyce Watkins, PhD on Jan 13th 2010

At thirteen years of age, Stephen Stafford is causing quite a stir at Morehouse College. Stafford has a triple major in pre-med, math and computer science. Though he loves playing video games and playing his drum set, he is no typical teenager.

"I've never taught a student as young as Stephen, and it's been amazing," said computer science professor Sonya Dennis. "He's motivating other students to do better and makes them want to step up their game."

Stafford began his college career at the age of 11, after being home-schooled by his mother. Stafford's mother said that when Stafford began to teach her instead of being taught by her, she knew he needed to be in a college environment.

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. Stephen Stafford, in my opinion, represents exactly what black men are about: Intelligence, ambition and high academic achievement. This is not to disrespect men in other walks of life, but the truth is that you will never see Stephen Stafford's accomplishments promoted like a rap music video.

We must, as a community, applaud and uphold this young man. We must cheer for him as if he averages 40 points a game. We should converse about his achievements as if he had released a platinum hip-hop album. He should get the same respect as every linebacker, point guard or hip-hop artist in America.

Corporate America will not blow Stephen's trumpet, but I will. I also want all the other Stephen Staffords to make themselves seen. There are hundreds of thousands of Stephen Staffords out there who've been convinced by a culture of thuggery that they should do their best to hide their greatness. Rather than acing math class, they've been taught to measure grams and kilos or to memorize football playbooks that are 100 pages thick. Our young men can analyze the triangle offense in basketball and break down a nickel defense, but then become mentally deficient when it comes to doing algebra, science and social studies. The time for mediocrity is over, since education is the key to making your dreams come true. Sports only creates more nightmares for most of the young men who sacrifice their education in order to be athletes (even those who become professionals). This doesn't mean that athletes don't deserve our respect; instead, it means that we've got to learn to separate the hype from reality.

Stephen will make more money than nearly all of his athletic friends, because education produces economic empowerment. He will also have more personal freedom and professional fulfillment. He will live the American dream, and I encourage all of you to make your own sons into the next Stephen Stafford.

The recipe for our kids is simple:

1) Spend as much time studying as you spend playing sports or working at fast food restaurant jobs. If a kid can work 8 hours for McDonalds, then he can study 4 hours a day in the library.

2) Don't let anyone convince you that you can't achieve whatever you put your mind to. No one has the right to define you or your child. Because my grades were horrible in high school, I was told that I wasn't smart enough to go to college and (like millions of black boys across America) recommended for special education. Later on, I became the only African American in the world to earn a PhD in Finance during the year 2002. I didn't earn the degree because I was brilliant. I actually earned it because I finally realized that I had the ability and determination to make my dream into a reality.

Just by studying 4 to 5 hours per day (less than the number of hours they would put in to working a minimum wage job), almost any child in America can get a college degree and become a doctor, lawyer or whatever they want. If George Bush can go to Harvard, then every kid in America can graduate from college if they choose to do so. I've taught college for 16 years, and I can tell you that the term "college material" needs to be abolished. Every child is college material if they want to be. That's the truth.


I LOVE stories like these.

-Ace of Rambles

I Wanna Do It Too!

Hey! I decided to make a post about things that make me smile! Two fellow bloggers have had similar lists in the last week or so...figured I'd do one too. :-) Things that make me smile...

1. Listening to Pandora when I'm at work
2. Finding new blogs to follow
3. Laying my head on CDQ's chest
4. Grey's Anatomy
5. Breyers' Oreo ice Cream
6. Hanging out with the Pre-School boys at my school
7. Playing with my niece
8. When people sing to me
9. SERVICE
10. Cake Shows (i.e. Cake Boss, Ace of Cakes, Ultimate Cake-Off, etc)

There are MANY more, but this seems like a good list. What makes you smile?

-Ace of Rambles

Shacking Up--Living in Sin or Smart Planning?

I've been working on this post for awhile now as I am in the process of apartment hunting with my boyfriend, and it seems that I have quite a few friends who are getting ready to move in with their significant others or recently have done so. Today I posted on my Facebook status-[Ace of Rambles] wants YOUR opinion--Is it considered 'shacking-up' if you're engaged? And does 'shacking-up' even matter these days? The responses came in...and quickly. There were a variety of responses, but mainly fell into these categories-

1. Shacking up is sin.
2. Living together before being getting married is bad idea.
3. Living together before getting married is a good idea, but shouldn't be done for a long period of time.

I can definitely see all three sides (and there are probably more) to the argument. I spent the better part of my childhood witness to my mother living with a man that she wasnt married to, and for the most part to this day I still refer to him as my step-father though his relationship with my mother has dissolved. I personally don't think them choosing to live together before getting married was what caused their relationship to end, but I'd have to ask my mother and him to be totally sure. I have also seen living together prior to being married bring two people closer together, as well as the couple maturing together and individually. I have a friend who was dating someone for 3 years before they lived together. They lived together for a year and she knew that she was not ready yet to make that commitment. They took another year apart and now they're back together and they feel things couldn't be better.

A different friend of mine expressed that her reasoning for not wanting to live with someone prior to marriage is because she likes her own space. I feel that someone who claims to enjoy their personal space so much would be more likely to take a trial run at living together before getting married. What happens when you think you are ready to be married, you get married, and the 2 months after living together you realize that marriage is so NOT in your life plan, and that you value your personal space much more than you realized?

I echo the sentiments of one of the responses on my status--"I believe in trial runs...I don't agree with livin together for years and years before marriage.if that's the case just call it common law and never actually go to the courthouse.but I do believe its necessary for ppl to know how they'll truly interact with each other once they're personal space is taken away. Spendin the night is not gon give u the full effect. Spendin a couple months with each other def will....I use my friend as an ex. She and her bf were together for 2 years and they were thinkin bout marriage...lived together for 6 months and decided they just weren't ready for that step.sometimes u gotta know where he keeps the ketchup...in the cabinet or in the fridge.lol" Many people think that spending the night with your significant other will give you idea of how it will be to live together, but I disagree because when you spend the night you ALWAYS have the option of going home when you want your own space.
I obviously fall into the 3rd category. I believe that living with my boyfriend will be good for us. It is something we've discussed extensively and share they same philosophy. We both agree that moving in together is the next step in our relationship, but more importantly we both know it isn't something we will be doing for an extensive period of time without walking down the aisle. Before we ever started dating he made it VERY clear that the next woman he got into a relationship with would the last.

Our decision to live together was just that our decision. I'm not concerned with whether or not people agree because we are doing what we think is good for US.

What are your thoughts?

-Ace of Rambles

Guest Appearance

Hey! I wanted to take the chance and post an article from my friend The Lady. She is a new columnist for Polished Cleveland and this is her first article. I think everything she says in the article is so on point and I look forward to see what she puts out next. Make sure y'all support her! So here it goes....

The Lady Says: He Say, She Say
Written by The Lady

Ladies, how often, when communicating with a man, do you find yourselves thinking, “I could have sworn he meant, >>>insert your interpretation here<<<” only to find out you were so off base, Ray Charles could have struck you out? Well, I am going to help you decipher this “secret language” to better understand and hopefully, spare you hurt feelings.

Space, the final frontier

HE said: “I just need some space.”

SHE heard: “I’m really stressed about, xyz, and will be okay in a few days.”

HE means: “We’ve been spending too much time together and I want to explore my options, but I don’t want to lose you either.”

The Lady says: The fact of the matter is you now need to accept this for what it is worth and continue to live and enjoy your life. If he wants space, give it to him but make sure you understand what he truly means when making the statement. The downside is he will fall off the face of the earth which means he was not good for you anyway. The upside is he will have a greater appreciation for you and hopefully, your relationship can flourish.

Too busy *side-eye*

HE said: “I have a crazy schedule and no time for a serious relationship.”

SHE heard: “I want to spend time with you but am so busy with work, volunteering, etc.”

HE means: “I’m not really into you and you’re not worth my time BUT I don’t mind a few late night visits.”

The Lady says: You make time for the things we want. PERIOD. Be especially wary of the man who is too busy for you yet has time to hang out with the fellas, plan trips (w/o you) and only calls when he wants “something.”

Just a Friend

HE said: “She’s just an old friend.”

SHE heard: “She’s a girl I used to fool around with.”

HE means: “She’s a girl I used to fool around with.”

The Lady says: If you are in a dating situation and your man has a female “friend” whom you have only heard him speak of, chances are, there was something going on between them in the past (or currently). This is not to suggest, men cannot be platonic friends with women but more often than not, you’ll meet his real female friends. Tread lightly on this issue as you don’t want to appear jealous and psycho.

I’ll call you…

HE said: “I had fun tonight; I’ll give you a call.”

SHE heard: “I can’t wait to see you again.”

HE means: If satisfied with the date, “I am going to call for a second date”; if undecided, “If I don’t have anything else to do, I’ll call.”

The Lady says: Take it for what it is worth. If you had a great time, then say so but do not drive yourself crazy waiting for his call and fantasizing about the next time you will see him. Get a grip. If you really want to talk to him but he has not called, then you call him. At least you will not have to wonder if he is interested and you can stop worrying.

It’s complicated

HE said: “I don’t have a girlfriend but I am seeing someone *sigh* it’s complicated.”

SHE heard: “I don’t have a girlfriend and am about to break it off with the one I’m seeing for you.”

HE means: “I have a girlfriend but am hoping you don’t care and let me have my cake and eat it too.

The Lady says: RUN! Run, far and fast! There is no mistaking; he is looking for some extra-credit. If he was in such a complicated situation, why stay? Ask yourself, do you really want to be bothered with a man who is indecisive and plays games? Hmph, there you have it.

Please understand, in each situation, there is always room for interpretation. However, you must learn to become effective communicators. If you are unsure, just ask instead of over-thinking the situation. It really is that simple.

Peace,

The Lady

Learning How To Study

You would think that after years of school I'd know how to study by now, but the truth is that I really don't. I have been that person that can take notes on a lecture, look over them, and do well on an exam. Or I read a chapter and then take the test. I'm afraid that these methods aren't going to cut it this time around.

As a DC Teaching Fellow I have to pass the Praxis I and II (Elementary Education Content Knowledge) exams by June 1st. I'm taking both exams in April and I'm a little anxious about it. Right now I have a Praxis II study guide and I plan to purchase the Praxis I guide later this week. I've been taking a lot of practice exams so that I can narrow down my weak points and then focus my studying on them. I've also cut down on surfing the internet during idle time while I'm on the train or at work. I guess it really scares me that these exams really determine the path of my future. Welp, I just wanted to give an update.

-Ace of Rambles

Truly Saddened

This really makes me sad.


I will post more later. R.I.P. Sean Bell.

-Ace of Rambles

The Wait Is OVER!!

For those of you that read my earlier post about my interview with DC Teaching Fellows I am pleased to announce I have been offered a position! I am soooo very excited to embark on this new journey. I have been assigned to teach Early Childhood Education, which is what I wanted and is the most competitive cohort. The next step is for me to study, study, study for the Praxis I and II. I'm not too worried about the exams, but I will definitely have to go over the math (algebra...ugh) section because that is my weakest area.

I look forward to writing more posts about this experience. Thank you to all those who prayed for me, wished me luck, and will be standing by me as I embark on a new path in life. It feels so good to have a career :-)

-Ace of Rambles

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!

I've been so busy lately that it has taken me nearly 2 days just to write this post. Between my frat, my family, my friends, and my boyfrined life has really been on fast forward. I have birthday celebrations, Valentine's Day, conferences, tattoo appointments (whoo hoo), meetings, 2 jobs, apartment hunting, and so much more going on! But to be honest, I kinda like it. I don't really feel exhausted, which is good. However, I am afraid that being a busy bee is going to catch up with me and I'm going to CRASH! I want to make sure that everything I am doing is being done efficiently and with care. I'm not one that struggles with time management, but I do sometimes miss the chance to enjoy all that is happening around me. That's what I want to be different about the current cycle of filled day planners and such. I want to be able to remember these times and not look back at early 2010 as just a blur.

Don't Marry For Love...

Today, I got an email from my frat brother/spec/GREAT friend about finding and keeping a life partner. I read it with great interest not only because the boyfriend (we'll call him CDQ) and I are very serious, but because relationship stuff always interest me. The article written by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A implores you to ask yourself the following 5 questions to gage how serious you are about finding a life partner--

QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) You can grow apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A good person is "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask about your Significant Other-What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them?

You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're
married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

So after reading the questions and discussing them with a co-worker (and new friend) I can truly say that the relationship I have with CDQ is definitely moving towards marriage. CDQ and I definitely share a common life purpose seeing as though we both work in the education field, and truly have a passions for making a difference in this crazy world. Our communication with one another gets better and better everyday, and I definitely trust that he wouldn't "punish" me for expressing my thoughts and feelings. He is always encouraging me to talk to him about things....good or bad. I think questions 3 and 4 kinda go together, and I will say that CDQ is very good person that is always seeking new ways to make himself better. In additon, he constantly puts others before himself. Despite his tough exterior, he is a very caring person. In terms of question 5, nope. There isn't anything I would change about him because if I did then he wouldn't be the man I love. I don't want a fabricated version of him. This doesn't mean that he is perfect, but I believe that love isn't about finding the perfect person, but it is about loving the imperfect person perfectly :-)

I sent the email to CDQ, so I look forward to hearing his opinions. We've been evaluating our relationship a lot lately being as though we are planning to move into together. I'll be blogging more about that later ;-)

-Ace of Rambles

And Now I Wait...

So yesterday I had my interview with DC Teaching Fellows. I arrived at about 8:20 am, and only about 5 people were there. By the start of the morning there were about 80 candidates there, and they broke us up into groups of 7-8 after having a brief meeting from 9:00 to 9:20am. Once in our groups we went into a classroom where the DCTF staff assigned to our group introduced themselves and went over the schedule for the day. The two staff members for my group are current teachers with DCPS, and both came through the Fellows program. So, after introducing ourselves to the group each person did a 5 minute teaching sample (my favorite part!). I did my teaching sample on when to use the letters c and k for the 'k' sound (Shout out to Ms. Rice!), and it went really well. I was able to get through all the parts concisely without feeling rushed. There was only one other lesson in my group that I thought really worked in the 5 minute period. *shrug* Next, was the writing sample. We had 20 minutes to read a prompt and respond to it as if we were teachers. Then, there was a group discussion. This part of the interview kinda sucked because there was this one guy in group that dominated the conversation. He was cutting people off and talking over them. Luckily, we were given about 5 minutes at the end of the discussion to write a response to the topic. After the group discussions all the candidates reconvened for a presentation about what will happen if we're picked. There was also a Q & A session. I had to leave the presentation earlier because I was scheduled for the first one-on-one interview. The DCTF staff person I interviewed with was one of the leaders of my group. She was really nice and made me feel very comfortable. I always find it weird/nerve-racking when people take notes the entire time I'm talking during an interview, but she was very good about responding with non-verbal cues like nodding or saying mmhmm. Overall, I think the day went really well.

And now I wait...and anyone who knows me knows patience is something I am truly working on. I will receive notification of whether or I've been selected by February 7th. If I am selected then I will have intensive training this summer and begin teaching in the fall. I'm very excited about this opportunity, and am praying that God's Will be done. I would really love to have any grade between Head Start (3-4 year olds) and 1st grade. Elementary school is the my popular cohort and very competitive. They ask candidates to be open to teaching Special Education, which I am. Last year there were about 2000 applications and 118 people were picked. The best thing about interviewing at the first even is that the chances of being picked are greater. They will notify candidates if they've been picked before they have the next interview event as oppose to having all the interviews and then picking.

By joining DCTF I hope to fulfill my goal of having the chance to save the world. I truly believe that better schools produce better students. Better students mean better people in the world, which in turn creates a better society. I have been told that I have a superman complex (which I think many women have actually), and that I want to save everyone...and everything. I have always been a fixer, so this is something I'm beginning to accept though it can be very challenging at times. One of my favorite quotes states, “There are those who see this world as it is and ask why. I see this world as it never was and ask why not."--Robert Kennedy.

Sisters....and Friends

Allies, partners in crime, rivals...Do you have a sister? If you have, you know what I mean.

I have two sisters...one older and one younger...both by 5 years.

We fight, we patch it up. We laugh at jokes that no one can understand. We have said some of the meanest things to each other. We will defend each other when others won't. We have done some of the silliest things together and there's so many stories to be recalled when we are together.

Through some of the harshest times, we became muted to one another. Yet through it all, the coldness will eventually thaw and melt away and we're right back to where we've left it, that is, like nothing has ever been missing...

This past weekend my older sister/roommate and I spent our days watching movies, playing with my niece, shopping, cooking, and really just enjoying each other. This really hasn't been something we've been able to do in the last few months because our relationship had really deteriorated due to time conflicts, work stress, new relationships, shifts in priorities, changes in life responsibilities, and who knows what else. In the last few weeks other changes have happened (relief of work stress, better scheduling, and a CONSCIOUS decision to make things change) and now I feel our relationship getting better....coming back. As we move closer to the day (April/May) when we no longer will be roommates I am confident that our sisterhood, and more importantly our friendship, will still be in tact.

I wasn't always so sure. There was a time when I was truly afraid that we'd move to separate houses or apartments and only speak to each other at holiday dinners or birthday. I didn't want that to be the relationship I had with my sister, and I am so thankful that it wont be. This doesn't mean that we wont disagree on things or that we won't be upset with each other, but I can promise that on my end of things I don't ever want our relationship to be at rock bottom...been there...wont do it again.

With that though, I understand that we BOTH have to put forth an effort in this relationship. We BOTH have to be willing to meet each other in the middle. And we BOTH have to understand that things change. We aren't 10 and 5 anymore. I can't expect her to always rescue me, and she cant expect to me to be the little curious kid that will do anything she says just cause. Amy Li says, "Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there." and I couldn't agree more.

-Ace of Rambles

Philippians 1:6

One of my favorite verses (hence the tattoo) in the Bible is Philippians 1:6, which states: Be confident of this, He who begins a great work in you will bring it to completion. I know that God is working on me every day, and the day He feels that my work is done will be the day He will call me home. Until that day I have to have faith that God is still working on me. In the Book of Philippians Paul writes thank-you letters to the believers of Philippi and gives them instructions on how to live as Christians. Paul teaches advises them that it is by modeling Christ that one can receive joy. As cliche as it sounds, I know that 2010 will be full of JOY year, not happiness. The difference is that happiness is dependent upon one's environment and circumstance( getting a compliment, enjoying a favorite hobby, seeing a long lost friend, etc). Joy is what you have when no matter what is happening around you (no job, struggling to pay the bills, broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, crashed your car, whatever) you can still be thankful, still be happy, still be kind, and still be loving! Joy is also when you place others before yourself and Jesus before all others ("J"esus, "O"thers, "Y"ourself) It will be a year of being stretched, of learning, and of COMPLETION, and I will have JOY through it all! Some may wonder how I am so sure. I am sure because I know that 2010 represents the completeness of order, marking the entire round of anything, is, therefore, the ever-present signification of the number ten. It implies that nothing is wanting; that the number and order are perfect; that the whole cycle is complete. (source) This makes me VERY excited and I can't wait to see what happens next.

-Ace of Rambles

Are You Greaking Kididng Me?!? Deux

Like many people I get a kick out of the America Idol auditions. After a long day yesterday, I welcomed the laughter. This guys was my favorite.

Like really? Is he freaking kidding me?!?! His name is Norberto Guerrero and here is the commentary from Simon.

-Ace of Rambles

Rude Awakening

As some one who has earned a degree in Communication and Culture I thought that I was a VERY effective communicator. I received a rude awakening today. I was perusing some articles on communication and realized that I do a lot of things that are defined as ineffective communication. I have become one of those people that sees the faults in others and not in his/herself....*hangs head*

According to Dr. Phil Rich (no not the Dr. Phil you're thinking) ineffective communication consists of one or more the following elements:

	Indirect (doesn't get to the point, never clearly states purpose or intention)
	Passive (timid and reserved)
	Antagonistic (angry, aggressive, or hostile tone)
	Cryptic (underlying message or purpose is obscured and requires interpretation)
	Hidden (true agenda is never stated directly)
	Non-verbal (meaning is communicated through body language and behaviors, not words)
	One way (more talk than listening)
	Unresponsive (little interest in the perspective or needs of the other person)
	Off base (responses and needs of the other person are misunderstood and misinterpreted)
	Dishonest (dishonest statements are substituted for true feelings, thoughts, and needs)

I will say that I am an effective communicator in some aspects of my life, but not in others. Consequently, in the relationships that I need to be the most effective is where I am suffering the most. I have no problem communicating with those I have a less intimate relationship with. With those people closest to me I struggle, and maybe it because I fear upsetting them, losing them, being judged by them. etc. This isn't something I am proud of, but it is something I am working on.

Thank God for introspection and the reminder that EFFECTIVE communication is:

	Direct (to-the-point, leaving no doubt as to meaning or purpose)
	Assertive (not afraid to state what is wanted or why)
	Congenial (affable and friendly)
	Clear (underlying issues are clear)
	Open (no intentionally hidden messages or meaning)
	Verbal (words are used to clearly express ideas)
	Two way (equal amounts of talking and listening)
	Responsive (attention paid to the needs and perspective of the other person)
	On Track (correctly interprets responses and need of the other person)
	Honest (true feelings, thoughts, and needs are stated

-Ace of Rambles

Being The BEST Me!

I recently came to the conclusion that I am not being the best version of myself possible, and it is beginning to effect my relationships. Therefore, I have decided to stop and take a conscious look at myself and make some changes regarding my attitude and the way I communicate my feelings. I also want to start taking more time in my day for devotionals. I can remember being in undergrad and going to Bible Studies, Prayer Meetings, and Choir Rehearsals and feeling so happy, rejuvenated, and positive. I miss that feeling...and it is showing.

I want to better version of myself not just for me, but so I can be the best daughter, sister, girlfriend, frat brother, friend...well you get the point. I really believe that wanting to change is the first step in working on myself, and I know it's not all going to come together in one day, which is find because patience is something I need to work on too. :-)

-Ace of Rambles

PS I am still excited about being able to blog from my phone though I did not send this from my phone...

UPDATE--Pandora played Marvin Sapps' Not The Time, Not the Place and it really spoke to me. Here are the lyrics to the first verse:
This is not the time for giving up
This is not your place where you should be
Not the time or the place to lie in defeat
You got to hold on you got be strong
This is not not the time to question your faith
This is not your place of destiny
It’s not the time or the place to throw in the towel
You gotta hold on you you gotta be strong
Sometimes you win Sometimes you lose
It’s apart of life that everyone goes through
Sometimes there’s joy sometimes there’s pain
That’s apart of God’s plan it is His own plan

Chorus:(2xs)
This is not the time(not the time not the place)
Just believe in the faith
Gotta learn how to wait

It works!!

I'm trying the option of being able to blog from my phone. Bare with me. :-)

I didnt want to type out this great blog and this not work, so I'm going to use this as a test.

No Pants Metro Ride?!?!?

I meant to post this yesterday, but here it is today!

On Sunday, January 10th riders participated in the No Pants Metro Ride. It was VERY cold in the DC metro area yesterday, but that didn't stop folks from participating. This is just another one of those silly things that people in DC do. Here are some pictures from the event courtesy of the organizers' Flickr group. Enjoy!

Bra Colors Show Support For Breast Cancer Awareness

Many of you may have logged onto Facebook yesterday and saw women posting colors in their statuses and wonder, "What the heck?" Some of my favorites were: hot pink with black polka dots, turquoise with black lace, and Betty Boop print! Mass text messages and emails were being sent that said: Ladies! Post your bra color in your status to show support for Breast Cancer Awareness, and in honor of survivors and suffers. Also, DONT TELL MEN! The fun was in seeing all the guys go crazy trying to figure out why we were posting just colors in our statuses. *Hi-5* to whoever came up with the idea and to the ladies that participated.

According to the National Cancer Institute, in 2009 there were 192, 370 new cases of women with Breast Cancer and 1, 910 new cases for me. There were 40, 170 females who dies from Breast Cancer in 2009 and 440 men. Some people thought that posting your bra color in your status was silly, but I dont think there is anything silly about prompting a conversation that could save lives. I'm glad I participated.

-Ace of Rambles

UPDATE--Story posted on Washington Post

A Little Funny

I have the same routine everyday. I catch the shuttle to the train station. Grab an Express paper. Wait for the train. Get on train. Check email and Facebook from my phone until I go underground. Once underground I read the Express. In the Express the other day there was a comic that I thought was VERY funny....hope you enjoy!

Google is like everything to me. Some of my friends have even nicknamed me Google because I'm always talking about how I learned something from Google. LOL

-Ace of Rambles

Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!?!?

So in the light of news headlines from yesterday that made me say, "Are you freaking kidding me?!?!" I have decided to title this blog the same....and discuss said articles.

First up, Use of word Negro on 2010 census forms raises memories of Jim Crow--NY Daily News. This may be the HBCU in me, but get the heck outta here!! I definitely don't use words that were used to describe my ancestors when they were thought of as 3/5 of a human. I identify with being of African decent and American decent. Thus, I am African-American. Census Bureau spokesman Jack Martin said the use of "Negro" was intended as a term of inclusion. "Many older African-Americans identified themselves that way, and many still do," he said. "Those who identify themselves as Negroes need to be included."
Many African Americans (or Black people) still consider and call themselves the N word, but does that mean it is appropriate for the Census? I think not...way to go Congress for approving this nonsense *eye roll* Oh, and here is the actual form.

Next, Sandra Bullock is nominated for a NAACP Image Award for her role in 'The Blind Side'. Not that I dont like Sandra Bullock's work, but the purpose of NAACP Image Awards is to celebrate "outstanding achievements and performances of people of color in the arts as well as those individuals or groups who promote social justice." In a time where African American actresses still struggle to get leading roles in movie and television, let alone be nominated for their work, I think that nomination should have gone to a different actress. I guess Beyonce's role in 'Obsessed' wasnt good enough...lol

Thirdly, Chris Henry's Fiancee won't be charged. I can't say that I am surprised though. When I was discussing this incident with some friends I was trying to explain to them that if the police can't prove that she acted unlawful (i.e. driving over the speed limit) then they would not be able to charge her. (Shout out to my Legal Communications degree and B+ in Business Law...lol). The people I was having my discussion with believe that if the genders were switched then Chris Henry would have been charged. I disagree, and my argument would still be the same. If there isn't proof of illegal activity, then he/she shouldn't be charged.

Lastly, Arenas suspended indefinitely--ESPN.com Did Gilbert not learn anything from Plaxico Burress?? SMH But no seriously, what in the world made Arenas think bringing a gun into the arena would be a good idea? All I can do is wish Gilbert luck because DC has some of the most serious gun laws in the nation.

There were MANY more things in the news yesterday I could blog about, but these were the top four. Stay tuned for the next edition of Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!?! :-)

-Ace of Rambles

Public Displays of Love...

Hey peeps! I wasn't sure what I was going to write about today, but when I opened up my email and *poof* a topic was right there....YAY!

Let me provide some background, so that we'll all be on the same page. I'm a member of a co-ed service fraternity. My boyfriend pledged at a different chapter, but is also member of this fraternity (and a social fraternity), and we have other friends that are dating that are also members. I say all this to say it is not uncommon for Brothers (males and females of the fraternity are called brothers) to date one another. Quite often Brothers from the same chapters will date....we do spend A LOT of time together, so it's bound to happen. However, my boyfriend is from a different chapter. Anyway, as a member of a Greek Letter Organization (GLO) many members opt to get paraphernalia to show the pride they have in their organization. I have 2 jackets that I love and that represent me. I have several shirts and a key chain also. My boyfriend and I have pictures that have been photo-shopped and I want to get a paddle together. Items like jackets and shirts are mostly personalized with information pertaining to the person wearing. Items like key chains, paddles, license plates, and house mats are sometimes split to represent two people dating.

Okay, soooo here's the story--I know a couple (that I LOVE very much) in the process of purchasing a fraternity jacket representing both of them...which they plan to share! Though the jacket is very nice in a design sense I personally would not make this choice in my relationship....or for my pocket. I mean obviously people have a right to do whatever it is they want, but my initial thought was, "Who gets the jacket if they break up?"This led me to thinking about people who get their bf/gf name's tattooed on them. It's is something seen all the time with celebrities...and us regular folk alike. And no a jacket isn't permanent like a tattoo, but I just think there many ways to express the love you have for a person that don't involve spending unnecessary amounts of money or getting things that are basically permanent. If a break up happens then the same feeling of regret is there.

I'm sure we've all heard the "myth" of how it is bad luck to get someone's name tattooed on you. And though I put myth in quotes I have seen it proven true...on several occasions. I'm sure there are plenty of instances of couples that don't break up after being tattooed. And yes, I have even thought about getting my boyfriend's name tattooed on me (and him getting mine on him), but this is something we'd do once we were married, and it's more likely to be a symbol that represents our union (so if we break up we can lie to people about what it means...LOL!) BUT it is still VERY risky decision. And a decisions that would come after years of being together.

My grandparents love each other more than any other couple I know and they don't have each other's names tattooed on them. Does that mean that Jane and John (or Tyrone and Tameka...lol) love each other more than my grandparents love each because Jane and John get tattoos? Absolutely not. I know my grandfather loves my grandmother because he still holds her hand after recently celebrating 47 years of marriage. I know they love each other because my grandmother still looks at him with a glimmer in her eyes.

I respect every couple's right (especially this one because I know them personally) to express their love in any way they feel, BUT since this is my blog and I'm the Ace of Rambles I'm going to say that I disagree. There are other ways to express your undying love that don't involve ink....or thread :-)

-Ace of Rambles